One year ago today, my life was forever changed with the diagnosis of breast cancer.
On March 11, 2010 the stinging news of having breast cancer hit hard as my surgical oncologist confirmed the diagnosis. At times, I still feel emotionally numb about the cancer journey that took place this past year. March 11 is an anniversary date I would like to forget, but will be one that I will always remember because of the impact cancer has had on my life and the lives of loved ones around me.
This past year tested me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In the weeks that have passed since the completion of my radiation, I have come to realize how sick I was last fall with chemo complications. I reflect on this time with even greater gratitude knowing that I survived the treatments and the many complications that arose from them. I can understand why others have said that sometimes cancer patients do not die from the disease, but from treatment complications that come with it. I was very lucky; I could have been one of those patients who died from chemo complications.
With the active treatment behind me, my focus is on getting back my strength and mobility that were affected from the mastectomy. The daily treks to the gym are hard, and it feels like progress is slow. I have good days and I have setbacks in getting my body stronger. I wake up and do the positive self-talk to get to the gym to heal my body and keep it fit to fight cancer.
There are emotional issues still to work through in living with a cancer history. Emotions were put on the backburner to get through my treatments. The emotions sometimes arise unexpectedly through triggers that take me back to when I was fighting cancer. The enormity of getting through this last year has made me realize that there is more healing that needs to be done. It will be an ongoing process.
The episodes of “brain fog” still occur, which mostly involve the loss of short-term memory. There have many “amnesia” moments where I have had no recall of my actions. The loss of memory is difficult to contend with, as I have always had a very sharp memory and take pride in paying attention to details.
Despite these setbacks, I am glad that the worst part of the cancer journey is complete and I am in remission. My recovery is underway and I continue on my journey to wellness with Strength, Courage, and Determination.