The radio alarms go off. The sun peeks from behind the clouds to open the day with brightness and warmth as it cascades its rays around us. A new day arises in our household.
Hubby and daughter are waking up to greet the day to get ready for work. They’re up before I am. I used to be the first one up to awaken the household from its sleepy stupor.
Now, work isn’t part of my world and won’t be for some time, if ever. It doesn’t matter what time I get up.
It’s interesting how a cancer diagnosis changes the order of things. How a cancer diagnosis changes your world. How a cancer diagnosis changes your life. How a cancer diagnosis changes the lives of others.
Life resumes for all of us, but it’s different now and will forever be since cancer entered our world. The “normal” days of the past, and the routines of yesterday are somewhat the same for my husband, daughter, and son who lives away from home.
They go through their days, similar to what they did in the past. Their work demands that they be in top shape, so they “mentally park” their thoughts about living in a cancer family to get their daily jobs done.
I no longer have a daily “normal.” Life has resumed, but it is different for me. I can’t mentally park living with cancer. I live with cancer.
I miss the daily routine and predictability of showing up for work. I miss mentally organizing my workday while puttering in the kitchen to prepare my lunch. I miss the social interaction that naturally forms part of the workday. I miss the satisfaction of solving problems at work.
I am continually learning new lessons about living daily with a life-threatening disease.
I am adjusting to being a prisoner in my own home, to being held hostage by a life-threatening disease. The surgery recovery is slow and disallows me from driving temporarily until I am strong enough to physically handle steering a car safely. I am adjusting to being lonely while living with the silence of a quiet daytime household in which I am its lone inhabitant.
Cancer Fighter--My New Job
I have a new job now, that of cancer fighter. I didn’t need to apply for it. There were no competitors vying for it. It was given to me without contest. There was training for the position.
This new job sees me spending my days battling a life threatening disease that attacks my body, shakes my spirit, and challenges me to stay positive. I am up for the task of tackling this new job just as I have been with all of the others that have shaped my life.
My boss is cancer. It’s a demanding and unkind boss. It requires me to put in the most effort I have ever had to do to get the job done. My performance review is still several months away to see if I’ve accomplished all of the goals and objectives needed to win the fight against cancer.
Fortunately, I have dozens of Warrior Women of The Amazon Tribe and Action Heroes who check in with me regularly to make sure I continue to heal in body, mind, and spirit. They ensure that I’m doing my best to fight cancer.
A retired boss of mind of some years back, for whom I still hold much fondness, is a cancer survivor. He entered a comment on this blog a few days ago.
"Here is something to think about,” he offered. “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain." Thanks boss, you always had a way of reaching out and touching my life in ways that make me think!
He and my other cancer survivor friends continue to instruct me in the ways of living with cancer. They are wise teachers and sages who are traveling with me on this cancer journey. Because of them, I will remember to not wait for the storms to pass.
I am learning to dance in the rain. I do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
3 comments:
I love "dancing in the rain...it sounds so easy....and perhaps it should be...but for most including me it's not so easy to do.
This theme of dancing in the rain reminded me of a song Veronica introduced me to, a while ago. (She rewrote the lyrics using a poem of Catherine Doherty -- quite well done -- will have to dig it up for you another time, but meanwhile, I want to find a decent youtube take to send you... Maybe you know the song... Got the lyrics from one yt take, but it's from an outdoor concert, so not the clearest...(and I have to edit the lyrics a bit here... the offerings from that clip aren't accurate...)
Feet of a Dancer
{written by Charlie McGettigan}
recorded Siamsa Cois Laoi, Cork, 1986.
I hope you find the feet of a dancer,
I hope you can sing in the rain,
I hope you find all the easy answers to your pain;
It won't be easy, but what can I say,
There will be trouble along the way;
And around every corner there'll be terror and tears,
But always remember that we're here.
And I hope you find the feet of a dancer,
I hope you can sing in the rain,
I hope you find all the easy answers to your pain;
and I hope you find love and affection,
I hope you find someone who'll care;
I hope you find all the right directions everywhere,
Everywhere.
A shoulder to cry on whenever you're alone,
You can rely on us you know;
'Cause there's nothing too crazy, and there's nothing too dear,
But always remember that we're here.
And I hope you find the feet of a dancer,
I hope you can sing in the rain,
I hope you find all the easy answers to your pain;
I hope you find love and affection,
I hope you find someone who'll care;
I hope you find all the right directions everywhere,
Everywhere.
Even when the rain comes falling down,
You know it's falling down,
on you,
I hope you find the feet of a dancer,
I hope you can sing in the rain,
I hope you find all the easy answers to your pain;
I hope you find love and affection,
I hope you find someone who'll care;
I hope you find all the right directions everywhere,
Everywhere.
I hope you find all the right directions everywhere,
Everywhere.
Always remember that we're here.
Now, I know you've found many of these things, and still will be searching as you go, but meanwhile, it's an infectious little tune. I hope it'll lift your spirits in the meanwhile...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aaFaxUIizU&feature=related
I hope this gets you the clip. It's clearer than the Maura O'Connell (you'll see her clip on the side -- where I got the lyrics from...) but Maura's melody is more 'accurate'... I'm sure the Cobblestones were just doing a freer rendition.
enjoy! love you!
Christine
Here are Veronica's words...
Don't you know my heart is a dancer
It dances through life, sad or gay,
in shadows or light, it always dances its life away.
(vs1)
In joyful abandon, in grief or in hope,
It dances to music men don't know
To the song of fire, of snow and of rain
Weaving love and desires born in pain.
(vs2)
In eternal passion, it's graceful and light
Like the beam of the sun or darkness of night.
Yes, my heart is a dancer, and it can sing
A hymn to its lover, though unseen
(bridge)
Dance, my heart, o dance and sing
in death you will know Him
whose music you sing.
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