Living life with a purpose, and “showing up” in the lives of people can be a hard concept
to grasp, and an even harder one to live. When I have lived my life with purpose, joy comes and blessings overflow.
I have lived my life with purpose in putting a husband through school then supporting his career, in raising a family, in being a daughter, sister, and auntie, in being a mentor in the workplace, and in volunteering in the community. And while I may have affected others in “showing up,” being in their presence has given me countless rich gifts in my life. In giving to others, I also receive.
In living life with purpose, I have warm memories imprinted in my mind of sitting on the sidelines of swimming pools, basketball courts, and soccer pitches. I’ve witnessed the rewards of attentive parenting when attending parent teacher days. I have proud moments to savor from high school graduations, university convocations, a daughter’s wedding, and son’s and his partner’s purchase of their first home.
Joy comes and blessings overflow as I think of the many hours spent watching our kids learn about teamwork, co-operation, sharing, respect, good sportsmanship, friendship, kindness, and the pure enjoyment of water flowing around them as they learned to swim.
My life has been affected by countless hours spent in the company of many wonderful young people who filled our house with their presence as our children grew up together. Through these young people we have met their parents who became our friends. Together, we now celebrate the adult lives of our children and life’s milestones that they are now achieving. The opportunities to “show up” in the lives of adult children and their mates along with the lives of their childhood friends are treasured moments.
One of my most profound life experiences came through my daughter while she was in the International Baccalaureate program at her high school. In association with one of her world studies classes, she met an orphaned Sudanese nursing student –a “Lost Girl of Sudan,” who was living in Winnipeg without a family and few resources.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2031286.stm
http://www.slate.com/id/2089225
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/women-refugees-the-lost-girls-sudan/80016?field_pages=1
Ang’er was introduced to us and became our “adopted” Sudanese daughter, with whom we all journeyed as she completed her last two years of nursing school here. She still lovingly refers to me as her Canadian “Mum,” when she addresses me in her beautiful Sudanese/British accent.
Ang’er has profoundly affected my life in ways no others have. In living life with purpose by spending time with her, I celebrated her triumph as she recounted stories of loss, sadness, danger, roaming, perseverance, and the will to live. She modeled to me how to live life with purpose. I was a proud “Mum” at her university convocation knowing how far she had come since she was orphaned at the age of five.
Today, Ang’er continues to live her life with purpose, having returned to her home village in Sudan. She is now married, and works as a nurse educator. Her dream was to return home to create an educational non-profit organization to encourage Sudanese girls to get an education, as only about 1% of girls complete formal schooling. She has created the foundation and continues to live life with purpose. I miss her.
Ang’er’s life story taught me about empathy and compassion for people who come to Manitoba to begin their lives again. Having Ang’er in my life gave me a new perspective on how to live life with purpose. Her affect on my life led me to continue volunteering with newcomers in our province.
Several days ago, I was honored as a board member of the Immigrant Centre http://www.icmanitoba.com to welcome members of the Eritrean community who donated a work of art to the centre, as a result of a photography project that empowered women in their community. It was a joyful sensory experience to be a part of an Eritrean coffee ceremony, and a dinner feast that honored these talented newcomer women in our city. My volunteerism at the Centre has been richly rewarded countless times in giving back to the community and in living life with a purpose.
Each day life presents me with an opportunity to live with a purpose. Each day I must keep my eyes open to the opportunities that are given to me to live my life with a purpose. Each day, I will do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Cancer rehab with weekly physio appointments, daily strengthening and mobility exercises, and an array of cancer education workshops has made for a busy few weeks since my last blog. I am working diligently to rebuild my body, and to retrain my mind to improve my memory after treatments. It is a slow, arduous, and frustrating process.
In this time, I continue to learn about others and myself. The more I learn, the more I realize that “living life with purpose” is really what life is all about. Even the mundane things such as gym trips, reconditioning exercises, physio treatments, and education workshops all have a purpose in my life—to make me healthy and to prevent a cancer recurrence.
Living life with purpose has taken on new meaning for me in this cancer journey. A couple of weeks ago, a favorite author of mine, Max Lucado, beautifully summed up living a life with purpose by believing in others. His advice came in a daily e-bulletin I received.
He speaks simply on the concept of “showing up” by being present to others. In the bulletin, he challenges his readers by asking: “Do you believe in your kids? Then show up. Show up at their games. Show up at their plays. Show up at their recitals. It may not be possible to make each one, but it’s sure worth the effort…
Do you believe in your friends? Then show up. Show up at their graduations and weddings. Spend time with them. You want to bring out the best in someone? Then show up.”
As I age and gain wisdom, I hope to continue to positively affect the lives of others by “showing up” in the little and big moments of their lives—be they family, friends, or others. These “show up” moments have blessed my life for decades. My hope and prayer is that they will continue to be a part of my life for many more decades.
When I was diagnosed with cancer last spring, people “showed up” in my life, many returning the favor of when I “showed up” in their lives. Family, friends, and colleagues “showed up” with visits, phone calls, emails, cards, food, flowers, gifts, and words of encouragement. Each “show up” gesture cushioned the blow of living with cancer.
Even after treatment ended, these same folks continue to “show up” in my life in marvelous and meaningful ways. Many have “shown up” these past few weeks as generous donors who are supporting me in the Challenge for Life fundraising walk for CancerCare Manitoba on June 11. My original goal was to physically walk the 20 kilometers in the walk, and raise the required $1,000. The money was raised in a day, so I moved the target to $2,500 thinking it would be a lofty goal to attain.
http://www.cancercarefdn.mb.ca/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=708&frsid=2997
As I write this blog, I have raised over $4,700 to help other cancer patients and their families in living with this life-changing disease through programs and services offered to them from Cancercare MB.
It is important for me to “show up” at this walk to support those who are fighting cancer. The physical ability to participate in the walk is confirmation that I have fought cancer and won. I am especially grateful to join my daughter and brother who are “showing up” by walking alongside me in the walk, and who are also raising money for the event. Other family members and friends are “showing up” for me at the walk’s finish line. I am humbled and deeply moved by those in my life that are supporting this project so dear to my heart.
Each day there are moments where I can live life with purpose. I will strive to continue to “show up” in the lives of others and will do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Every day I move a little farther away from having undergone active treatment for cancer, to dealing with treating the remnants of cancer complications that have affected my body.
Each phase of treatment brought some side effects to overcome. Some have passed, others still linger.
Daily Dates at the Gym
With physiotherapy treatments and rigorous daily workouts at the gym, I am regaining upper body strength and range of motion of the right side of my torso, shoulder, and arm. My cardio rate is now at 80-90% of its maximum when I use aerobic machines. I can sustain this rate beyond a half hour, which is far better than when I first returned to exercise the day after radiation ended and had difficulty slowly walking laps.
One of my treating physiotherapists says the affects of radiation on body tissue are akin to shrink-wrapping the affected areas. Together, we are working on scar tissue release, massage, and exercises to break down the scarring so that my body can work well. With a double dose of scar tissue from the mastectomy and radiation, and previous limited mobility in my upper back from childhood spinal surgery, the challenge to heal and move effectively is even greater.
One of my medical caregivers has said that the achy and creaky muscles and joints that I am experiencing are not my imagination. They are another side effect of cancer treatments, and the drugs that are used to treat patients. Fortunately, the aches and pains settle once I’ve done my daily exercises. The daily jaunts to the “Y” are helping the achy-ness and my sleep.
Happily, I am also down three clothing sizes to what I wore when I was in chemotherapy last fall. I am possibly the most fit that I have ever been in my adult life.
The Y trips are also helping to condition my body for the 2011 Challenge for Life 20K walk in support of CancerCare MB, on June 11. To see my progress in raising funds for this cause that is close to my heart, click on this link:
http://www.cancercarefdn.mb.ca/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=708&frsid=2997
It has been reported that daily exercise can potentially aid cancer patients with their brain/chemo fog and memory loss. I’m hoping that the 5-6 days per week of exercise will also help my memory.
The cancer physical rehab is a tedious process, and I am a Type A “impatient” patient. It is teaching me that I have to be patient with my body as it continues to heal and recuperate. In this area of my life, I am still a student and cancer is still the teacher.
Other Side Effects
With the active phase of treatment completed, I am becoming more educated about other side effects from members of my medical team. My nurse educator says residues from chemotherapy can remain in a patient’s body from six months to one year post-treatment.
She also says that dealing with overall post treatment complications can be up to two years after the last treatment has ended, which for me is December 2013. In rare cases, recovery can take even longer. Sometimes some of the patient’s functions may not be regained. This is the “wait and see” part of cancer recovery.
A tight, tender, and tingly scalp that was similar to when my hair was falling out with chemo arrived again when my hair started to grow back. It continues to grow and is whiter than it was before chemo. It is now very curly, which has changed my appearance--so much so, that people who have known me pass by and don’t recognize me. I wait with curiosity to see if the curls will go when regular haircuts start.
Chemo treatments have affected my eyesight, and can potentially cause cataracts. There is also a small risk that my body can develop leukemia as a result of having had chemotherapy treatments.
Breast Cancer Survivor Research Study
I am enrolled in a local breast cancer survivor research study that combines physiotherapy, exercise, and nutrition. Studies are showing that daily exercise by breast cancer patients post treatment can reduce the risk of recurrence. It is to be a part of our daily lives in living the “new normal” as cancer patients.
Part of this study involves wearing a pedometer to track my daily steps. The goal is to get the 10 study participants to walk a minimum of 10,000 steps daily, as well as adding some strength training, flexibility exercises, and proper nutrition to help prevent a cancer recurrence.
We are tracking our daily foods, which are being monitored by a registered dietician. A personal trainer takes us through daily exercise routines, while physiotherapy researchers monitor our strength, flexibility, endurance, and cardio capacity.
Brain Fog Classes
To address ongoing issues that come up with my short-term memory loss, I have enrolled in an eight-week “Brain Fog” program to retrain my memory. “Brain fog” is believed to come from an assortment of contributors that cancer patients deal with including the disease itself, chemotherapy, other drugs used to treat cancer, fatigue, chemically induced menopause, and memory loss that comes naturally with aging.
It is interesting to talk to other cancer patients about the condition, as it is a real side effect that those who have not undergone treatment cannot completely understand. The condition can be quite embarrassing when one can’t find words, or remember details while in the middle of a conversation with someone. Loved ones have been very patient with me as I search for words, try to remember details, or retrace my steps to try to remember what I was doing. Also, as a reader, I look forward to being able to read and retain information again, which poses a challenge for me now.
I continue to work through these barriers with a dogged determination to get my body back to a healthy and strong state. The barriers are small challenges compared to surviving cancer treatments and their related complications. I am making daily strides in getting better and do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Dear Blog Readers,
As you know, this past year has been fraught with health challenges for me with my breast cancer diagnosis in March 2010. The journey has been one of testing and of triumph. It was a hard fought battle, and I am pleased to say that I am now in remission!
The months that passed felt like I was in a whirlwind race against time in chasing cancer and ridding my body of it to make me well again. The emotional ups and downs were eased for me through Cancercare Manitoba’s Patient and Family Services programs and services, as well as those offered at the Breast Cancer Center of Hope.
In the year that has passed since my diagnosis, mastectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation, I have used Cancercare Manitoba’s meditation, Pilates, yoga, and art therapy programs to keep my body and mind healthy, and to reduce the stress in living with a cancer diagnosis. As well, the ongoing support of a nurse educator and psychosocial oncology social worker helped me with concerns that arose throughout this journey, especially when I endured various complications with all of my treatments.
The support programs and services for cancer patients and their families come with a price tag. Funds to provide the programs and services come from private donors and special events proceeds, which are raised by the Cancercare Manitoba Foundation. The Foundation also raises money for cancer research including new technologies and medicines like Herceptin and Tamoxifen (which I am using as the last phase of my cancer treatment), and funds the buildings and equipment required to care for cancer patients across Manitoba.
To celebrate being in remission, I am joining a fellow breast cancer survivor and other colleagues in raising funds for the Cancercare Manitoba Foundation via this year’s 20K Challenge for Life on Saturday, June 11.
I invite you to join me in this walk by becoming a Shoot for the Cure team member, or by financially supporting my efforts to help other patients and their families by making a donation for my participation on the team. You can register your donation under my name by clicking on this link:
Thank you for your ongoing support of me in my cancer journey. I hope that you will share in my vision of helping other cancer patients and their families by participating in this fundraising event.
The Challenge for Life inspires me to live each day with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
One year ago today, my life was forever changed with the diagnosis of breast cancer.
On March 11, 2010 the stinging news of having breast cancer hit hard as my surgical oncologist confirmed the diagnosis. At times, I still feel emotionally numb about the cancer journey that took place this past year. March 11 is an anniversary date I would like to forget, but will be one that I will always remember because of the impact cancer has had on my life and the lives of loved ones around me.
This past year tested me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In the weeks that have passed since the completion of my radiation, I have come to realize how sick I was last fall with chemo complications. I reflect on this time with even greater gratitude knowing that I survived the treatments and the many complications that arose from them. I can understand why others have said that sometimes cancer patients do not die from the disease, but from treatment complications that come with it. I was very lucky; I could have been one of those patients who died from chemo complications.
With the active treatment behind me, my focus is on getting back my strength and mobility that were affected from the mastectomy. The daily treks to the gym are hard, and it feels like progress is slow. I have good days and I have setbacks in getting my body stronger. I wake up and do the positive self-talk to get to the gym to heal my body and keep it fit to fight cancer.
There are emotional issues still to work through in living with a cancer history. Emotions were put on the backburner to get through my treatments. The emotions sometimes arise unexpectedly through triggers that take me back to when I was fighting cancer. The enormity of getting through this last year has made me realize that there is more healing that needs to be done. It will be an ongoing process.
The episodes of “brain fog” still occur, which mostly involve the loss of short-term memory. There have many “amnesia” moments where I have had no recall of my actions. The loss of memory is difficult to contend with, as I have always had a very sharp memory and take pride in paying attention to details.
Despite these setbacks, I am glad that the worst part of the cancer journey is complete and I am in remission. My recovery is underway and I continue on my journey to wellness with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Today, I had another follow up visit with my surgical oncologist. He made my day. After going through the results of my latest mammogram and recent CT scan he pronounced that I am officially in cancer remission. “You’re now a breast cancer survivor” he smiled.
It has been a monumental day. Tears flowed, and smiles ran broadly across loved ones’ faces with the news. Admittedly, I am still digesting the good news. I wasn’t expecting to find out the remission status until my oncologist’s appointment in May. It is a relief that the nightmarish last 11 months of my life is now over and I am in good health. I think a celebration is needed…
As a breast cancer survivor, I have been asked to participate in a local study being funded by the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, the cancer treatment organization, and the local university’s School of Medical Rehabilitation. The study involves following a group of breast cancer survivors and monitoring their exercise, physical fitness, and diet.
The researchers involved include an oncologist, physiotherapists, a dietician and a personal trainer. The goal of the study is to see how diet, nutrition and exercise affect breast cancer recovery from treatment, and if the healthy lifestyle can potentially ward off a cancer recurrence.
Yesterday, my physicality and body strength were measured, accompanied by several questionnaires on lifestyle, exercise, rest, diet, and social support. In some of the physical testing I found out that I came out of chemotherapy without any effect on my heart function. My resting heart rate was considerably lower than the adult average and my blood pressure levels were low.
I did reasonably well on some of the strength tests, and miserably on others. The physiotherapist that assessed me recommended some alterations in my daily work-out routine to help build more body strength as I continue working on physical recovery from all of the treatments.
At the end of the session I was issued a pedometer, which I will have to wear daily for the next 40 weeks to monitor my physical activity. I am also required to keep a daily physical activity logbook and food diary for three days each month. In late March, I will return for physical testing to see if there have been any changes in my bodily strength. The food diary and monthly physical strength monitoring will continue for the duration of the study.
In April, several sessions with the dietician, physiotherapist and personal trainer will begin. Each study candidate will be closely monitored on their program progress. It is expected that individualized plans will be created to participants to achieve optimal health as they recover from their cancer treatments.
A new chapter in my life has started to be written today. I will continue my daily fight against cancer with prevention as my new goal. I continue to move forward in this new “normal” life with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Early next month, it will be one year since my breast cancer diagnosis. It has been a whirlwind year that has forever changed my life and the lives of those around me.
After the surgery, chemo, and radiation, I’m now living the “new normal” life after cancer treatments. Every day, I realize that although I had led a healthy lifestyle pre-cancer, there is a lot of room for improvement.
After meeting with a breast cancer nutritionist and two physiotherapists earlier this week,
I learned that my diet and taking care of my body both needed more work. Life and cancer treatments have not been kind to my body.
The encounters with medical professionals raised two truths for me—I have to take much better care of my body post cancer every day for the rest of my life. Each medical professional in my cancer rehab regime has made me realize what “hell” my body has been through these past 10 months of treatment.
I’ve been told that getting my body back into a state of overall health will take several months of persistent daily action and activity. The medical caregivers reiterated that an hour of exercise is now to be part of my daily “new normal” in living with a breast cancer history.
Living this “new normal” to get healthy has seen me drop a clothing size in a month. Weighing and measuring food intake is a now a mainstay to monitor caloric intake against exercise output. There is still more work to be done.
I have many more pounds to lose to get to a very low fat content in my body in order to block estrogen production, and thus lessen the risk of a breast cancer recurrence. This loss of weight is harder to achieve than in the past—there are the forces of middle age, menopause, and chemo cargo to overcome (cancer treatments added 20 pounds).
The more difficult challenge is maintaining the daily exercise regime of 60 minutes a day to get my body healthy and strong, maintain it, and ward off potential cancer. An hour of daily exercise is my new “physical prescription” for a healthy body. It is now part of my ”new normal” in living with a cancer history.
With this new daily commitment, I have gained a much greater appreciation for the gym “die-hards” that faithfully commit to their daily exercise. The commitment to a healthier me is difficult to uphold—I’ve come close as I’ve been at the gym 5-6 times per week since January 1. I think I’m doing quite well—given that I started this commitment to exercise only two days after my final radiation treatment.
Very slowly my physical body is starting to return to its “new normal.” It will be some time before I can handle a regular daily routine as lived pre-cancer, as my energy levels are not what they were before I got sick. Time will tell if I will return to the old energy levels of the past, or if the “new norm” equates to lower energy levels as a permanent way of life.
As I live this “new normal” life, I have to keep reminding myself to be patient and gentle about my cancer treatment recovery. It wasn’t so long ago that my body lived through hell daily just to survive chemo and its horrid complications. I am lucky and grateful to be alive.
Daily I remind myself that my life has been blessed with a second chance. I continue to keep adjusting to a “new normal” life with Strength, Courage, and Determination.