One of the themes that have come up in my journaling is that of “Cancer -The Teacher.” It will be interesting to see what I will be learning in this phase of life. Already there have been many “mini lessons.”

In this cancer journey, I am finding that there is no one person who can be all things to someone who is living with this disease. The enormity of what is, and what is to come with cancer is more than one person can comprehend. At times, it is simply overwhelming. Others can help carry the physical, emotional, and spiritual loads that come with a cancer diagnosis.

It is also interesting to share the cancer story with others. It has surprised me in that some people whom I thought would have been stalwart travelers in this cancer journey have faded into the background coming face to face with mortality and not knowing what to say to someone who is living with cancer. I do not hold this against them; it is tough to talk about something we all are scared about.

What has been a heartwarming surprise is how people from my past and present have put on the shield of courage and want to walk with me in this cancer journey. The ways in which people want to travel with me are many. I have also been endlessly reminded that I have to let others in to help me in the day to day living of my life and household that I will temporarily not be able to manage in the next year.

Help, care, and concern have been expressed in many ways through: rides to appointments, food for the family, housecleaning, laundry, prayers, letters, emails, cards of encouragement, flowers delivered to my home, gift baskets, phone calls, company, coffee, lunches, dinners, walks, and hearty hugs of support.

There have also been many heart to heart visits from my fellow travelers who look me in the eye and tenderly listen, share my fears, laugh with me, and ask the tough questions I need to hear to make me get answers to concerns I have not yet thought about.

Undoubtedly, one lesson those closest to me are teaching is that I have to let go of the control in my life, which was reinforced for me by a cancer survivor friend who told me that “with cancer there is no control in your life.”

This will be one of the hardest lessons I will have to learn. I also need to learn that it’s my time to put me first. The needs of others always came first, as I juggled being a wife, a mother, a daughter to an aging mother, working full time, and community volunteering. I fit my needs in last.

One of the most helpful lessons I have learned has come from my friend who is the breast cancer survivor and mentor. Early on with this diagnosis, she told me that every day I need to wake up and look forward to doing something that I would enjoy that day. Spending more quality time with family, getting reacquainted with more regular exercise, having lunch or coffee with friends, and simply enjoying the beauty of spring unfolding and sunshine are among life’s simple pleasures I enjoy daily.

Those who are traveling with me certainly help to ease the load and shelter some of the burden. Ultimately, the biggest lesson that I have learned in this cancer diagnosis is that I am the lone traveler.

I am the one who will have surgery that will permanently alter my body. I am the one who will have toxic chemotherapy drugs entering my body to make it really sick so that I can get better. I am the one who will lose her hair and live with “billiard ball head” for a few months. I am the one who will receive radiation.