It has been an interesting walk in this cancer journey since my last blog on May 24. I finally feel well enough to start blogging again.
More and more, it is becoming evident to me that I still have much to learn about living one day at a time when cancer is part of your life.
This reality reminds me of some wisdom imparted to me by a cancer-surviving friend prior to my mastectomy. He warned that I would have no control over my life in living with cancer. He was right.
Despite the best efforts of my medical team and me, cancer still has the upper hand in how I live my life each day. It’s really hard to live one day at a time.
There are days when it’s a struggle to stay upbeat and positive because in the back of your mind you know that you could be dying. Despite this mental battle, I am still choosing to resist being dragged down by this disease. A negative attitude just takes too much energy out of me. I’d rather spend the energy I do have on staying positive.
My life has been one of planning, anticipating, managing family life, juggling work projects, and multi-tasking. My life has been lived being by in control of situations that surrounded me. I don’t do very well in living my life one day at a time. Perhaps it’s my impatience in living with the unknown.
Others around me are talking about their summer vacations, their winter holidays in sun spots, their child’s destination wedding in a warm climate in the next few months, the lives of their grandchildren, their countdown to retirement, and what they will do with the next stage of their life.
I can only contemplate what I will do today. I don’t know what tomorrow brings.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have to live one day at a time. Family and friends who are there for me and the great care by my surgeon and the other cancer care medical professionals comfort me. Living with cancer isn’t an easy journey.
Treatment Next Steps
The cellulitis bacterial infection that I have been healing from has finally cleared. The prolonged surgery recovery and wound care is now back on track—albeit set back by a couple of weeks because of the infection.
Last week when I returned to see my surgeon for a follow up visit on the infection’s healing, more news was given to me about my surgery’s tissue biopsies. It wasn’t good news.
It looks like I will have to have a second surgery to remove more cancer. My surgeon says there are some cancer cells in surrounding tissues, which were found with further testing after my surgery.
He explained to me that he cut as close as he could to remove the cancerous growth. He explained that he couldn’t cut any further as there would have been insufficient tissue and skin to close the procedure. He is expecting that a second surgery will be required to cut away more cancerous tissue. It will require harvesting of tissue and skin from elsewhere on my body, which will then be grafted to the surgical area to close the site.
At this point, we don’t know when this next surgery will take place. It’s likely to be sometime this summer. Part of the reason there isn’t a date yet is that my cancer case is being presented this Thursday as a study to a group of cancer medical experts who will assess it and determine the next treatment steps.
As I understand it, the group of medical professionals that will be reviewing my case will include medical oncologists, oncology surgeons, oncology radiologists, pathologists, and possibly oncology pharmacists. Because my carcinosarcoma cancer of the breast is so rare, many minds are collaborating on the next treatment steps, which are expected to begin with the second surgery.
My nurse educator had forewarned me that this study was a possibility, predicting that this step might occur. She also advised that the medical team might consult out of the province, and possibly out of the country in consulting with others on how they treated this type of cancer in their patients.
Other reasons why a surgery date is not yet known is that this is a more complex surgery to schedule that will require my surgeon, a plastic surgery team, possibly a different hospital than my first surgery, and setting a date (potentially) around well-deserved summer holidays for some members of my treatment team.
With all of this to contend with, I hold hope that I can still attend our daughter’s wedding this summer, as we don’t know when the surgery will occur. My surgeon has said they will try to work the next operation with the wedding date in mind. I may know more when I see him at my next appointment on June 9.
In the meantime, I am staying busy with our daughter’s wedding shower plans for the event this Sunday, followed by her convocation on June 10. These are happy days in her life and in ours. I will celebrate both of these special days with joy and gladness for the gift she has been in our life.
I will continue to keep my chin up and continue to fight this cancer battle with Strength, Courage, and Determination.