It’s been several weeks since my last blog. I’ve been busy travelling in rural Western Canada with work and there have been a multitude of family birthdays in the past few weeks and life kind of feels normal as it did pre-cancer. Almost.

Three years have passed since my cancer diagnosis. It now only feels like a bad dream. Although life and the routine of work have resumed, one lives life differently once you’ve survived cancer.

You just don’t forget that cancer is part of your past. It does get easier the more distant one is from diagnosis and treatment, but it doesn’t leave your memory. As my surgical oncologist said at a conference where we were both presenters, “women who have had breast cancer live with that dark cloud over their heads for the rest of their lives.” I couldn’t state it any better.

So what does living with a dark cloud over my head feel like? Most days I tend not to dwell on it. However, I am reminded that I survived a cancer as I see the scars from my mastectomy and the chemo port’s central line incisions on my neck and upper chest. The three “dot” tattoos on my chest where radiation beams were aimed are permanent markers from treatment.

Perhaps what is most evident to me are the current tell tale signs in my day-to-day activities that I live with a cancer past in that I have less energy than in the past and tire more easily.

The hormone blocking medication that I take, a form of daily chemo that I will be on for 2 1/2 more years, causes pain in my hips and legs while I sleep. My legs and feet also cramp when sleeping. Hot flashes add to the mix for a miserable nightly sleep. My family doctor has me on other medications to counteract these complications and they help, but don’t alleviate the problems.

My arms and upper torso don’t move as well as they once did as I cope with the treatment’s cut muscles and radiated shrunken tissue. The right side where my cancer was is also the side of my dominant hand, so tightness in the upper body and the lack of strength gives me some limitations.

This week was unusual in presenting four reminders that I have been a cancer patient.

With the recommendations of my two treating physiotherapists, I finally hired and met with a personal trainer this week. She specializes in working with breast cancer patients and has had them as clients for several years.

She is consulting with the physiotherapists on areas of concern, which she will consider in developing my program. We are analyzing all of my body issues and are coming up with an exercise plan that will give me strength, flexibility, balance, and improved range of motion. I am looking forward to having a stronger body to help me cope with the complications of life, post-cancer.

My second reminder came yesterday in a story in our daily paper. The provincial health minister announced that the cancer treatment organization and the province have opened a Cancer QuickCare clinic to serve cancer patients in the evenings, on weekends, and during regular business hours. Halleluiah for that!

My hope is that with this clinic no other cancer patients will ever have undergone the terrors of waiting for hours in emergency with treatment complications like I did on several occasions.
                                                                                                           
I would like to think that being one of two cancer patients advocate appointees on a provincial steering committee to improve cancer treatments had something to do with establishing the clinic. As advocates we represent the voices of cancer patients in the province and in this role raised numerous concerns about the poor quality of cancer patient care after hours. The after hours clinic is a positive step for all cancer patients in this province.

Tomorrow presents two more reminders that I survived cancer. I will have my annual monitoring appointment with my surgical oncologist to see if there is any evidence of  the disease.

I will also be meeting with the local breast health centre volunteer coordinator to discuss being a breast cancer patient peer for newly diagnosed cancer patients. I was recommended to her by my breast cancer nurse educator some time ago and will be interviewed to see if I am a suitable breast cancer buddy. If I am, then I will participate in a training workshop this weekend that will equip me with tools to journey with other newly diagnosed women who are undergoing treatment.

As I walk to my bus stop to go to work every morning, I am grateful to have lived through cancer.  I live joyfully with the realization that I am a survivor. It gives me Strength, Courage, and Determination.