My surgical oncologist, “Dr. Wonderful” personally called this afternoon to let me know that the biopsy results from my lumpectomy were in and the lump is benign! “Benign” is such a beautiful word to a cancer patient.
The load off my shoulders is immense. After over three weeks of waiting, worrying, and wondering if cancer returned, I must admit that the relief is indescribable. Tears, woo-hoos, hugs, and high-fives all around… My daughter Marissa says it’s the best birthday present she received today.
I will sleep well tonight.
Thanks to all of you who kept me in your thoughts and prayers. I am truly blessed to have so many people surrounding me with love in this cancer journey, or shall I say “cancer recovery.”
Each day of my life I fight to live cancer-free. I do so with strength, courage, and determination
Just when I was finally starting to feel more like my old pre-cancer self and slowly preparing for returning to work this summer, I had another potential cancer scare.
A couple of weeks ago, I found a small breast lump in the area near my mastectomy incision. I have been out of cancer treatment less than six months.
In an emergency visit with my surgical oncologist this past week, it was determined that this lump needs to come out quickly. We don’t know if this lump is benign or malignant.
Yesterday afternoon, my surgical oncologist performed an emergency lumpectomy to remove the growth. It will then be sent for a biopsy to see if the cancer has returned. Results of the biopsy should be known on June 29.
At the time of my cancer diagnosis, the surgical oncologist forewarned me that the cancer I had is aggressive and likes to return. He stressed that for the rest of my life I have to be vigilant in monitoring my body for any possible recurrence, as my form of breast cancer has a recurrence rate of 50%. Areas of recurrence can include the breast or the area where the breast used to be, the other breast, the chest wall, the lymph nodes, the bones, the lungs or around the lungs, the liver, and the brain.
I know that cancer is a disease that one has very little control over. I am comforted knowing that I am doing all that I can to prevent a cancer recurrence. I have lost over 25 pounds to lower the fat content in my body to reduce estrogen levels, as my cancer is estrogen driven. I work out a minimum of five days a week, never smoked, quit my light social drinking, and changed my diet to be even more healthy than previously. From genetic testing results, I know that my breast cancer is not hereditary.
In my March follow up visit with the radiation oncologist, I was cleared of cancer. No cancer was found in my torso’s MRI scans in April. In May, I had pelvic MRI and bone scans that were normal. May blood tests were cancer free. So if cancer has returned, I know it hasn’t been in my body for very long.
The last few days have been anxious ones waiting again for the lump removal and biopsy results. The fears and emotions are the same as those of last year’s initial diagnosis. Being drawn to staying busy with my time is familiar. I don’t want to think about what may lie ahead as I am now intimately familiar about the potential next steps. I will breathe a huge sigh of relief if this lump turns out to be just an annoying cyst. If it is cancer, then I will work through the next steps with my medical care-giving team as they arise.
As a cancer patient you are taken through your journey by dealing with only what is required of you at any given moment, as thinking too far into the future can be overwhelming. I am working hard at trying to stay focused on the present moment. I do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Yesterday was Cancercare Manitoba Foundation’s 20K Challenge for Life Fundraising walk. To say that walking in the event as a cancer survivor was fun cannot aptly describe the victorious experience.
Seven hundred walkers raised over $1,000,000 in support of patient care and services at
Cancercare Manitoba. I am elated to have raised $5,300 for the cause. It was an amazing opportunity to be one of 700 walkers at the event who were supported by over 14,000 donors.
The walk was more than just a chance to raise money for a cause that cured me. The event was an opportunity to reach a post-treatment goal of completing the walk and having some sense of normalcy in my life after months of difficult and life-threatening treatments.
It was pure joy and delight to walk with my daughter, brother, brother-in-law, and four dear girlfriends—one of whom is a breast cancer survivor who walked alongside me throughout my cancer treatments. My personal team of family cheerleaders and son/photographer stood alongside the walk route or hopped on bikes traveling from walk stop to walk stop. Their love and support boosted my spirits as high as the clear blue Manitoba sky.
Thank you to over 90 donors who believed in me throughout this journey, who cheered me on during the down days, and who endorsed me to walk on behalf of other cancer patients who have conquered or continue to fight this dreaded disease.
The cancer experience these past 15 months has been one of fear, anger, loneliness, gratefulness, and joy! Yesterday’s walk with other cancer survivors and hundreds of Manitobans was one of the happiest days in my life of living with cancer.
There are so many happy moments from yesterday’s walk that are imprinted in my memory that I will treasure…
• At the opening breakfast an unknown breast cancer survivor “Leslie” recognized my pink t-shirt, introduced herself as a fellow survivor and invited me to join her and a girlfriend of mine on the “Chemo Savvy” rowing team comprised of other women who have conquered breast cancer. The physicality of the sport does not scare me as I am in great physical shape. But, I have to ponder this invitation as I have a fear of water being a non-swimmer…
• The “Zumba” warm-up to get us limber for the walk. It was energizing and great fun. I will have to find a class to learn more of the dance moves.
• Hugs from my family who sent me off on the trail, then cheered for me and at the finish line.
• At the start of the walk “walking” into one of the race organizers whom I’ve known for over 20 years, who hugged me and kissed both of my cheeks and welled up in tears saying my participation in the walk made her day.
• Walking on the trail and being stopped by a lovely young woman who works for one of the local legal firms who’s personal mission that day was to collect signatures from each cancer survivor that participated in the walk as identified by their orange sashes.
• Catching up on the lives of family members and friends who walked with me for the duration of the event.
• Receiving “high fives” and applause from countless volunteers and fellow Winnipeggers who lined the streets and front yards to cheer on the walkers.
• Hugs from business colleagues whom I have not seen since I have been on sick leave.
• Hugs from volunteers at one check stop who stopped every survivor, congratulated them, and encouraged them to finish the last four kilometers.
• Passing a local fire hall that was beside a check-stop with all of the on-duty fire fighters standing in front of their trucks waving and cheering on the walkers.
• Meeting Dr. Dhaliwal, CEO of Cancercare MB and Sir Michael Richards, a U.K. cancer specialist who was knighted in 2009 for his work to reduce wait times. Sir Michael was at the walk cheering on walkers after being present for a major provincial government announcement on the previous day to reduce wait times for cancer patients in Manitoba.
• Crossing the finish line and ringing one of the many colored bells—each erected to represent the various forms of cancer experienced by Manitobans who are fighting the disease.
• Collecting my “badge of honor” t-shirt at the end of the walk.
• Meeting other walkers who were cancer survivors or currently in treatment that assembled at the end of the walk to lead all of the walkers into the closing ceremonies. The kinship of survivorship was truly special as survivors introduced themselves to the other survivors, shook their hands, and shared in celebration of living and beating cancer.
• The celebratory family barbecue at the end of the day where we enjoyed the beautiful summer evening, fabulous food, and the warmth and love of my family and extended family.
Yesterday was a rewarding and heartwarming day. It was so because of the presence of others in my life that have helped me stay on the cancer fighting trail with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Living life with a purpose, and “showing up” in the lives of people can be a hard concept
to grasp, and an even harder one to live. When I have lived my life with purpose, joy comes and blessings overflow.
I have lived my life with purpose in putting a husband through school then supporting his career, in raising a family, in being a daughter, sister, and auntie, in being a mentor in the workplace, and in volunteering in the community. And while I may have affected others in “showing up,” being in their presence has given me countless rich gifts in my life. In giving to others, I also receive.
In living life with purpose, I have warm memories imprinted in my mind of sitting on the sidelines of swimming pools, basketball courts, and soccer pitches. I’ve witnessed the rewards of attentive parenting when attending parent teacher days. I have proud moments to savor from high school graduations, university convocations, a daughter’s wedding, and son’s and his partner’s purchase of their first home.
Joy comes and blessings overflow as I think of the many hours spent watching our kids learn about teamwork, co-operation, sharing, respect, good sportsmanship, friendship, kindness, and the pure enjoyment of water flowing around them as they learned to swim.
My life has been affected by countless hours spent in the company of many wonderful young people who filled our house with their presence as our children grew up together. Through these young people we have met their parents who became our friends. Together, we now celebrate the adult lives of our children and life’s milestones that they are now achieving. The opportunities to “show up” in the lives of adult children and their mates along with the lives of their childhood friends are treasured moments.
One of my most profound life experiences came through my daughter while she was in the International Baccalaureate program at her high school. In association with one of her world studies classes, she met an orphaned Sudanese nursing student –a “Lost Girl of Sudan,” who was living in Winnipeg without a family and few resources.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2031286.stm
http://www.slate.com/id/2089225
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/women-refugees-the-lost-girls-sudan/80016?field_pages=1
Ang’er was introduced to us and became our “adopted” Sudanese daughter, with whom we all journeyed as she completed her last two years of nursing school here. She still lovingly refers to me as her Canadian “Mum,” when she addresses me in her beautiful Sudanese/British accent.
Ang’er has profoundly affected my life in ways no others have. In living life with purpose by spending time with her, I celebrated her triumph as she recounted stories of loss, sadness, danger, roaming, perseverance, and the will to live. She modeled to me how to live life with purpose. I was a proud “Mum” at her university convocation knowing how far she had come since she was orphaned at the age of five.
Today, Ang’er continues to live her life with purpose, having returned to her home village in Sudan. She is now married, and works as a nurse educator. Her dream was to return home to create an educational non-profit organization to encourage Sudanese girls to get an education, as only about 1% of girls complete formal schooling. She has created the foundation and continues to live life with purpose. I miss her.
Ang’er’s life story taught me about empathy and compassion for people who come to Manitoba to begin their lives again. Having Ang’er in my life gave me a new perspective on how to live life with purpose. Her affect on my life led me to continue volunteering with newcomers in our province.
Several days ago, I was honored as a board member of the Immigrant Centre http://www.icmanitoba.com to welcome members of the Eritrean community who donated a work of art to the centre, as a result of a photography project that empowered women in their community. It was a joyful sensory experience to be a part of an Eritrean coffee ceremony, and a dinner feast that honored these talented newcomer women in our city. My volunteerism at the Centre has been richly rewarded countless times in giving back to the community and in living life with a purpose.
Each day life presents me with an opportunity to live with a purpose. Each day I must keep my eyes open to the opportunities that are given to me to live my life with a purpose. Each day, I will do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Cancer rehab with weekly physio appointments, daily strengthening and mobility exercises, and an array of cancer education workshops has made for a busy few weeks since my last blog. I am working diligently to rebuild my body, and to retrain my mind to improve my memory after treatments. It is a slow, arduous, and frustrating process.
In this time, I continue to learn about others and myself. The more I learn, the more I realize that “living life with purpose” is really what life is all about. Even the mundane things such as gym trips, reconditioning exercises, physio treatments, and education workshops all have a purpose in my life—to make me healthy and to prevent a cancer recurrence.
Living life with purpose has taken on new meaning for me in this cancer journey. A couple of weeks ago, a favorite author of mine, Max Lucado, beautifully summed up living a life with purpose by believing in others. His advice came in a daily e-bulletin I received.
He speaks simply on the concept of “showing up” by being present to others. In the bulletin, he challenges his readers by asking: “Do you believe in your kids? Then show up. Show up at their games. Show up at their plays. Show up at their recitals. It may not be possible to make each one, but it’s sure worth the effort…
Do you believe in your friends? Then show up. Show up at their graduations and weddings. Spend time with them. You want to bring out the best in someone? Then show up.”
As I age and gain wisdom, I hope to continue to positively affect the lives of others by “showing up” in the little and big moments of their lives—be they family, friends, or others. These “show up” moments have blessed my life for decades. My hope and prayer is that they will continue to be a part of my life for many more decades.
When I was diagnosed with cancer last spring, people “showed up” in my life, many returning the favor of when I “showed up” in their lives. Family, friends, and colleagues “showed up” with visits, phone calls, emails, cards, food, flowers, gifts, and words of encouragement. Each “show up” gesture cushioned the blow of living with cancer.
Even after treatment ended, these same folks continue to “show up” in my life in marvelous and meaningful ways. Many have “shown up” these past few weeks as generous donors who are supporting me in the Challenge for Life fundraising walk for CancerCare Manitoba on June 11. My original goal was to physically walk the 20 kilometers in the walk, and raise the required $1,000. The money was raised in a day, so I moved the target to $2,500 thinking it would be a lofty goal to attain.
http://www.cancercarefdn.mb.ca/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=708&frsid=2997
As I write this blog, I have raised over $4,700 to help other cancer patients and their families in living with this life-changing disease through programs and services offered to them from Cancercare MB.
It is important for me to “show up” at this walk to support those who are fighting cancer. The physical ability to participate in the walk is confirmation that I have fought cancer and won. I am especially grateful to join my daughter and brother who are “showing up” by walking alongside me in the walk, and who are also raising money for the event. Other family members and friends are “showing up” for me at the walk’s finish line. I am humbled and deeply moved by those in my life that are supporting this project so dear to my heart.
Each day there are moments where I can live life with purpose. I will strive to continue to “show up” in the lives of others and will do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Every day I move a little farther away from having undergone active treatment for cancer, to dealing with treating the remnants of cancer complications that have affected my body.
Each phase of treatment brought some side effects to overcome. Some have passed, others still linger.
Daily Dates at the Gym
With physiotherapy treatments and rigorous daily workouts at the gym, I am regaining upper body strength and range of motion of the right side of my torso, shoulder, and arm. My cardio rate is now at 80-90% of its maximum when I use aerobic machines. I can sustain this rate beyond a half hour, which is far better than when I first returned to exercise the day after radiation ended and had difficulty slowly walking laps.
One of my treating physiotherapists says the affects of radiation on body tissue are akin to shrink-wrapping the affected areas. Together, we are working on scar tissue release, massage, and exercises to break down the scarring so that my body can work well. With a double dose of scar tissue from the mastectomy and radiation, and previous limited mobility in my upper back from childhood spinal surgery, the challenge to heal and move effectively is even greater.
One of my medical caregivers has said that the achy and creaky muscles and joints that I am experiencing are not my imagination. They are another side effect of cancer treatments, and the drugs that are used to treat patients. Fortunately, the aches and pains settle once I’ve done my daily exercises. The daily jaunts to the “Y” are helping the achy-ness and my sleep.
Happily, I am also down three clothing sizes to what I wore when I was in chemotherapy last fall. I am possibly the most fit that I have ever been in my adult life.
The Y trips are also helping to condition my body for the 2011 Challenge for Life 20K walk in support of CancerCare MB, on June 11. To see my progress in raising funds for this cause that is close to my heart, click on this link:
http://www.cancercarefdn.mb.ca/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=708&frsid=2997
It has been reported that daily exercise can potentially aid cancer patients with their brain/chemo fog and memory loss. I’m hoping that the 5-6 days per week of exercise will also help my memory.
The cancer physical rehab is a tedious process, and I am a Type A “impatient” patient. It is teaching me that I have to be patient with my body as it continues to heal and recuperate. In this area of my life, I am still a student and cancer is still the teacher.
Other Side Effects
With the active phase of treatment completed, I am becoming more educated about other side effects from members of my medical team. My nurse educator says residues from chemotherapy can remain in a patient’s body from six months to one year post-treatment.
She also says that dealing with overall post treatment complications can be up to two years after the last treatment has ended, which for me is December 2013. In rare cases, recovery can take even longer. Sometimes some of the patient’s functions may not be regained. This is the “wait and see” part of cancer recovery.
A tight, tender, and tingly scalp that was similar to when my hair was falling out with chemo arrived again when my hair started to grow back. It continues to grow and is whiter than it was before chemo. It is now very curly, which has changed my appearance--so much so, that people who have known me pass by and don’t recognize me. I wait with curiosity to see if the curls will go when regular haircuts start.
Chemo treatments have affected my eyesight, and can potentially cause cataracts. There is also a small risk that my body can develop leukemia as a result of having had chemotherapy treatments.
Breast Cancer Survivor Research Study
I am enrolled in a local breast cancer survivor research study that combines physiotherapy, exercise, and nutrition. Studies are showing that daily exercise by breast cancer patients post treatment can reduce the risk of recurrence. It is to be a part of our daily lives in living the “new normal” as cancer patients.
Part of this study involves wearing a pedometer to track my daily steps. The goal is to get the 10 study participants to walk a minimum of 10,000 steps daily, as well as adding some strength training, flexibility exercises, and proper nutrition to help prevent a cancer recurrence.
We are tracking our daily foods, which are being monitored by a registered dietician. A personal trainer takes us through daily exercise routines, while physiotherapy researchers monitor our strength, flexibility, endurance, and cardio capacity.
Brain Fog Classes
To address ongoing issues that come up with my short-term memory loss, I have enrolled in an eight-week “Brain Fog” program to retrain my memory. “Brain fog” is believed to come from an assortment of contributors that cancer patients deal with including the disease itself, chemotherapy, other drugs used to treat cancer, fatigue, chemically induced menopause, and memory loss that comes naturally with aging.
It is interesting to talk to other cancer patients about the condition, as it is a real side effect that those who have not undergone treatment cannot completely understand. The condition can be quite embarrassing when one can’t find words, or remember details while in the middle of a conversation with someone. Loved ones have been very patient with me as I search for words, try to remember details, or retrace my steps to try to remember what I was doing. Also, as a reader, I look forward to being able to read and retain information again, which poses a challenge for me now.
I continue to work through these barriers with a dogged determination to get my body back to a healthy and strong state. The barriers are small challenges compared to surviving cancer treatments and their related complications. I am making daily strides in getting better and do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.
Dear Blog Readers,
As you know, this past year has been fraught with health challenges for me with my breast cancer diagnosis in March 2010. The journey has been one of testing and of triumph. It was a hard fought battle, and I am pleased to say that I am now in remission!
The months that passed felt like I was in a whirlwind race against time in chasing cancer and ridding my body of it to make me well again. The emotional ups and downs were eased for me through Cancercare Manitoba’s Patient and Family Services programs and services, as well as those offered at the Breast Cancer Center of Hope.
In the year that has passed since my diagnosis, mastectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation, I have used Cancercare Manitoba’s meditation, Pilates, yoga, and art therapy programs to keep my body and mind healthy, and to reduce the stress in living with a cancer diagnosis. As well, the ongoing support of a nurse educator and psychosocial oncology social worker helped me with concerns that arose throughout this journey, especially when I endured various complications with all of my treatments.
The support programs and services for cancer patients and their families come with a price tag. Funds to provide the programs and services come from private donors and special events proceeds, which are raised by the Cancercare Manitoba Foundation. The Foundation also raises money for cancer research including new technologies and medicines like Herceptin and Tamoxifen (which I am using as the last phase of my cancer treatment), and funds the buildings and equipment required to care for cancer patients across Manitoba.
To celebrate being in remission, I am joining a fellow breast cancer survivor and other colleagues in raising funds for the Cancercare Manitoba Foundation via this year’s 20K Challenge for Life on Saturday, June 11.
I invite you to join me in this walk by becoming a Shoot for the Cure team member, or by financially supporting my efforts to help other patients and their families by making a donation for my participation on the team. You can register your donation under my name by clicking on this link:
Thank you for your ongoing support of me in my cancer journey. I hope that you will share in my vision of helping other cancer patients and their families by participating in this fundraising event.
The Challenge for Life inspires me to live each day with Strength, Courage, and Determination.