Three months ago I wrote my last blog, which seems like an eternity. Since August 15, my world has changed considerably. Work has entered into it.

I spent the last part of August and September preparing for my return to work. Work, like life, does not stand still. It changes, as life changes. My life, and my work-world have changed.

What’s different? Everything.

Returning to work feels like I have been hired as a new staff in a job I have held for over 10 years. The job I left has changed in the 18 months I was away. The way the work has been done has changed. The people I worked with have changed. The organization has changed. My manager has changed. My reporting structure has changed. But much more noticeably, I have changed because of my cancer experience.

My energy levels are far lower than they were before I had cancer. I tire more easily. Mentally, I am more taxed at the end of the workday because treatments have left me with some cognitive impairment, which forces me to have to work harder to do my job. I cannot multi-task anymore, and it takes me longer to complete a task. My executive function is also affected.

The large volume of work I once handled prior to cancer is a thing of the past. I simply cannot work that hard anymore. This comes as a big “reality check” for me, the over-working, over-achieving perfectionist.

I now have to admit that I will never be able to handle work the way I did before my cancer diagnosis. This last piece of returning to a life after cancer—the return to work, comes with another area of grieving I have to overcome. This grieving is similar to other aspects of my life that I have had to work through in living with cancer. I have to bid good-bye to my past as I usher in the “new” present reality.

In returning to work, I live with a new fatigue I have never experienced before. It is similar, but different to the fatigue I had with chemo. This one just leaves me feeling mentally exhausted and light-headed every night. It’s difficult to explain, but fellow cancer survivors will understand what I mean as many of cancer pals also live with this fatigue in their return to work.

This is all part of the cancer journey and the acceptance of a “new normal” life after cancer treatments. I can now begin to understand what other cancer patients before me have said; life after cancer is different.

But, I have survived and that’s all that matters. Every day that I wake up and greet the morn, I am grateful for this gift of a second life. It is precious.

There are no bad days in living with cancer, after coming face-to face with the possibility of death. Each day, I rise and meet the challenges that come with it and do so with Strength, Courage, and Determination.