When you’re in the throes of battling cancer, it’s easy to get preoccupied on focusing on yourself. Some would say this is the way it’s supposed to be, that this is necessary.

While you’re dealing with this disease, there are many unsung heroes in the background who are a part of this cancer drama. They are the “burden bearers.”

The burden bearers take on the tasks of everyday life so that you can get better without worrying about what needs to get done when you can’t “do the doing.”

The burden bearers have triple roles: they go to work, they step in to take care of you, and they step in to take care of the day-to-day details when cancer strikes. They step in to run your household when your cancer diagnosis forces you to step out.

Our household has been a family unit for over three decades. My husband’s shift work made me become the primary caregiver of our children and the COH (Chief of the Household) in taking care of family life. I became a master juggler as a full time professional working mom, CCR (Chief of Child Rearing), and maintainer of all things household.

Circumstances dictated that I had to become a fiercely independent and a self-reliant master juggler. It became a way of life.

This way of life is now one that I struggle with in letting go of control and letting others step in so that I can focus on battling cancer and getting better. This is ultimately the biggest lesson I need to learn in this cancer journey. This lesson will be applied to many situations in the next few months as I face each stage of cancer treatment that awaits me.

There has been a definite role switch in our family as we all live with a cancer diagnosis. We are all finding our ways of adapting, but it is difficult. The role switch isn’t easy for me, my husband, my kids and their mates, and our extended family. It’s an undoing of decades of routine, of decades of predictability, of decades of normalcy. Things are different now, routines are different now, and our lives are different now.

The primary “burden bearer” in this cancer journey is my husband. At a time when he was looking forward to his retirement that is around the corner, he acquired a new lifetime job as a “cancer husband.”

He is now the COH. The CCR role is diminished with adult children. He still works full time with his customary schedule of two-week rotations, alternating shifts, late nights, weekends, and long days. His energies are taxed with work and the new cancer husband job. His stress has doubled.

He is learning to become a master juggler in keeping many balls in the air while working full time, attending to cancer patient care, cancer medical appointments, household tasks, and yard work. At times, it’s overwhelming for him.

Cancer survivors have told me that they feel the “burden bearers” of this disease are not them, but their spouses and others who care for them in dealing with this disease. I believe it because I see it. There are days when my husband looks weary and tired from bearing the burdens of being a cancer spouse.

But, his dedication and attentiveness are unwavering. Words can’t describe my gratefulness to him, my children and their partners, my extended family, and my friends for their love, care, and help at this difficult and demanding time in our lives.

Together, we will all get through these challenging cancer travels. Together, we will fight on with Strength, Courage, and Determination.