The mind of a cancer patient is like a busy highway. There are many comings and goings of thoughts and questions that race around looking for their traveling spot on the roadway of your brain, on the roadway of your life.

The thoughts are of those you love. The thoughts are of regrets you have in the things you may no longer be able to do. The thoughts are of finding the right time and the right words to apologize to those you have hurt throughout your life. The thoughts are of thanking people daily for the gifts they are in your life.

The thoughts are also of dreams you once held, that you now let go of. The thoughts of tomorrow are hard to fathom, as you can focus only on one day at a time when you live with a life threatening disease. The thoughts are of winning one victory at a time in your fight against cancer.

Then there are the questions.

The questions travel on the speedways of your brain, on the speedways of your life. They are fast and are always in a hurry. They are also fleeting. They enter your mind quickly and leave just as fast, because it’s too hard to dwell on the questions. These fleeting questions have no time to wait; they have no time to waste.

There are many questions in the mind of a cancer patient. They all have similar starts, where you fill in the blanks differently each time you raise them. They are questions like: “Will this be my last…?” “Will I be able to….?” “Is it…?” “ Will I see my first….?” “What if…..?”

Time feels like it ticks away faster when you live with cancer. Life’s questions arise, but you don’t know if you will have an answer, if you will have the time to see the outcomes about which you ponder.

Several years ago, a work mentor and I were discussing long range plans for a project we were working on. As we had worked quite closely for some time, he got to know me quite well and was adept at challenging me to think.

One day during one of our work conversations, he jokingly commented that “your mind is a scary place” in the thoughts that were rambling around in my brain that we were discussing. In that conversation, he reminded me that I needed to learn to slow down in my thinking to let others catch up with me on my thoughts and ideas.

Perhaps his wisdom still applies today. Perhaps I need to slow down in my thoughts and ideas about living with cancer so that others can catch up with me. I am trying to apply my mentor’s wisdom in my thoughts in living daily with cancer.

The comment was made 10 years ago. It was a time before my mentor and I were both living with cancer. I wonder what he would say now about the thoughts in my mind. I wonder if he thinks about living with cancer in the back of his mind each day. He’s doing well, and is in remission at this time.

American Artist Bill Keane, creator of the comic strip "Family Circus", once said something that reminds me of the value of living in the moment. “Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.”

I live today knowing that it is a gift. I am learning to live in the present with Strength, Courage, and Determination.